paramour*

whats left of us

comes in an email

- no subject line

and a file with barely any buffer time.

*a lover, especially the illicit partner of a married person

In Short

             n.c.

You are most of what I know

Of how connected beings be together

Even though

We

Could not.

                                    '15

Stone

Apology escapes you.

You are made of stone

at all the right places.

Gargoyle-

Unwavering, at the edge

and not a pigeon would think

to soil your head.

My love, your

vows, unbuttressed

covenents, sacred

under conditions we cannot control.

But you are stone

As was I

until I crumbled.

            14.06.2015

#5ThingsYouShouldNeverBreak 

a. a promise - unless you can endure the guilt.

Breathing Underwater

toe to toe

amends hovering / between us

my chest

bound,

Then burst

rhythm lost

                        Fireflies!

Dancing

            Rave-like            across

My             eyes.

                                                            I’m grasping for breath.

                                                                        I have none.

Once,

Before you,

Before

            Fake love

And            real lust

I could hold my breath forever

Hold out

‘til every ring

from the bottom of the pool

bangled around my little arms

a mermaid bride

decorated.

Before

            Real fear

And            fake commitment.

I would dive in.

Stay down.

Calm.

Safely in danger

But

Toe to toe

Apologies inanimate

And barely fertilized

I am

begging for air

Where there is none

and

But a heart’s beat from the surface.
                                                                        4.19.15

reBound

I do not welcome
your tiptoe into curious territories.

This is about release
and recovery

solely a thing
of reparation;

making amends for giving
up

immunity
from sly and charming impurities,

prerogative
to be preserved and set apart.

                                    12.16.14

bent

i desired you so

deeply

i could feel my insides

tremble, bumping into themselves

and fueling the rhythm

that kept us on beat

ive seen you dance since me

watching your feet

stumble in  your too-big shoes

the heat between us

melted the mattress so

on the springs, that now poke and dig

 i cannot sleep without thinking of you inching over in the dark.

                                                           

i call to God

to bless and forgive, then

to you to comfort me in case he wont.

waiting for a call back,

i sit hunched -

my spine forever arched to be your little spoon.

24 June ‘14

(n+1)

In your empty space

I consider            how I fit;

which way I must maneuver my arms

in order to squeeze in

because I can feel it won’t be right

when there’s two of us.

June '14